Reimagining Zealous Advocacy: A Family Law Lawyer's Heightened Duty of Care

By Lauren Grondski. Originally published in The Florida Bar Family Law Section Commentator, Volume XLV, Issue 1, 2025.

Being a family law attorney is an honor and a privilege — but it also comes with tremendous responsibility. For many children and families, family law attorneys are the gatekeepers of their divorce experience. All too often, we witness firsthand the devastation of divorce characterized by conflict, sometimes resembling all-out war. As practitioners, we hold great power: the ability to dictate the emotional temperature of a case and profoundly impact its outcome.

Initiation Into the Florida Bar, the Concept of Service, and the Family Law Collective

Early in our careers, we stood before someone qualified to administer the oath into this great profession. Most of us remember the pride we felt as we raised our right hands and solemnly swore to support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Florida. That moment marked our formal commitment to integrity, fairness, and civility.

The concept of "service" — our duty to protect the children and families in family court — must be paramount. When we begin to think of the idea of Family Law Practitioners in Florida as a collective, rather than as a conglomerate of separate individuals, we begin to understand the true nature of what is at play. If one accepts the premise that we operate as a collective, it stands to reason that the actions of one or few individuals will affect the whole. Just as one drop of ink can cloud a glass of water, the conduct of one lawyer can pollute the profession.

A Heightened Duty of Care: Ethics, Integrity, and the Stakes for Children

Before diving into the specific ethical duties outlined by the Florida Bar, let us remember that family law attorneys are on the front lines with children and families. Our behavior directly impacts their well-being. Unlike in other areas of law, a family law case is deeply personal. Practicing law may resemble a chess game — but in family court, the stakes are children's lives. A single misstep can destroy hard-won peace.

Sowing discord may boost a lawyer's billable hours, but the impact on families — especially children — is unacceptable. Many of us enter this field with good intentions, only to find ourselves pulled into a toxic, adversarial system. As author Barbara Kingsolver wrote, "If you lie down with snakes, you get up with the urge to bite back." We must resist this descent.

Ethics Rules as Collective Responsibility

Chapter 4 of the Rules Regulating the Florida Bar provides the ethical foundation for all attorneys. Rule 4-8.4(d) ensures that lawyers conduct themselves in a way that promotes respect for the legal profession and the fair administration of justice. Rule 4-3.3 further emphasizes candor toward the tribunal and prohibits false statements.

Viewing these familiar rules in light of how one's individual actions impact the whole of the collective — with the wellbeing of children ultimately at stake — how do the concepts of character, competence, civility, and commitment change?

Preserving Integrity in Practice

Keep the temperature low. We can zealously advocate while reducing conflict. One of the most overlooked truths in family law is this: divorce records remain in the public record. Permanently. One day, children may read every word we have written.

I will never forget the day I found my parents' divorce file as an adult. As I flipped through the worn pages, I could smell the paper's age, but one thing remained just as true as if it had been written today: it was full of inflammatory allegations which drove conflict in my young life. That experience fundamentally changed the way I view pleadings.

Practice Tip: Rather than exposing the family's dirty laundry, cite the relevant statute to preserve your claim while sparing the child. For example, if you represent a parent seeking 100% timesharing due to the other parent's addiction, look to Florida Statutes sections 61.13(3)(q) and 61.13(3)(g), rather than detailing the addiction in the initial Petition. This not only preserves your client's legal claim while reducing emotional reactivity, but also shields the children from unnecessary trauma if and when they access these records in the future.

Encourage Early Mediation

Pre-suit mediation or early settlement discussions can avoid inflammatory pleadings altogether. In especially sensitive cases — such as those involving infidelity, grief, or financial hardship — reaching agreement before filings can spare families further heartache.

As family law attorneys, we must constantly ask ourselves: What will the children see one day? Will they read about their parents' worst moments in stark detail? We must be intentional.